there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
