Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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