y did u give ur computer a hand job?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
