The maid of honor just puked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
