i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
