I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
