Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
