i was born a porn star she said
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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