Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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