Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
