I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
