He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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