at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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