I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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