I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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