I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
