Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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