Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
