he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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