i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
