return my video game
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
