be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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