**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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