Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
