proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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