brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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