Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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