Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
