I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
