Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
