Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
