Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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