At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
