epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
