I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
