there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
