Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
