I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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