You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That accounts for only three of the penises
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
