This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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