My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
