My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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