Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I only lived at night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
