I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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