i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
