I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think my moral compass just broke
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
