How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
