btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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