I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
