you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
