I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And then he peed in my hair
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