So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
