i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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