She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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