Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize