I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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