so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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