My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
