giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
