somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
