Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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