some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
