You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
