tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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