there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
two words...techno handjob
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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