My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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