I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My ass is underappreciated
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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