No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
