We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do herpes really smell.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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