2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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