the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone shattered a urinal.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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