In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
