Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
