New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
