Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
