I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
