the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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